


'I'm So Proud of You'

by CaptainCarters



Category: Conviction (TV 2016)
Genre: Family Trouble, Gen, Mentions of neglect, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCarters/pseuds/CaptainCarters
Summary: Hayes Morrison's life has been nothing but a series of disappointments. After the shit she's been through, it's no surprise she doesn't believe in anyone who says they're proud of her anymore.





	

She'd spent hours lying on her stomach in front of the fireplace, carefully coloring in each line she'd drawn. It was them, all four of them. They all looked happy to be standing beside each other. They had to, because drawn her inspiration from the one picture they actually had that looked like this. Looking over her work, she smiled. He would be proud of her this time. He'd see all the hard work she put into it and he'd smile at her and tell her that it was wonderful. Maybe, just maybe, it would even be put up in his office for everybody important to see when they visited him. She bit down on her lip, trying to concentrate on the finishing touches. The little girl pushes herself up and sits back, taking the drawing in both hands and looking over it again, making sure it was perfect. She hadn't been told not to bother her parents today, which meant that they must not have any important visitors. This was the perfect opportunity. Taking off across the house, the eight year old runs straight into her father's large office. Every time she entered it she always took the time to look around and think about all she'd learned about the other men who'd been in this same office before it belonged to her daddy. Today she didn't stop, she had other things to do. 

“Daddy, daddy I –– I made you something.” She's tiny for her age, but now she's just tall enough to lean against the desk. He doesn't look up from what he's writing, doesn't even seem to hear her. She can almost hear the voices in her head starting, telling her to just give up because it's going to be the same as it always is. She doesn't listen, not so soon. Instead, she tries again, tugging at his sleeve. “Did you hear me, daddy? Did you hear what I said? I drew this for you.” The hand that isn't writing lifts toward her as if to tell her to wait. She does, because at least he's listening. . . but then he puts his hand back down. “I did, Hayes. I heard you, I just–––” He trails off, never looks at her. Her eyebrows are raised and her ears are perked and she's hanging on every word, waiting to hear what he has to say. He never looks. “Just what?” She tilts her head, holding the drawing a little tighter. “I just don't have time for that right now, I'm –– I'm very busy, sweetheart.” He still never looks, never even glances up from the paper. Hayes slowly lets her hand fall from his arm, looking down at the paper in her hands and then back up to her father. “I –- that's –- it's okay, daddy. I know.” She nods, feeling the tears pushing their way into her eyes no matter how badly she tries to keep them back. The slightly crumpled paper slips from her hands as the little girl turns, slowly shuffling out of the room. 

–––

She sighs as she walks into the living room, tossing her backpack onto the couch. It's been a long day, her hair is falling out of it's ponytail and into her face. She huffs and blows it back only for it to fall right back into place. Ever since the announcements had been made, she'd been thinking about this moment. Coming home and telling her parents that she, ninth grade Hayes Morrison, had been voted Student Body President. This was her greatest accomplishment to date, and since she'd stepped off the platform from her speech she couldn't stop smiling. Her parents hadn't been able to make it to the speech, something she wasn't surprised about. It wasn't really that big a deal though, at least Jackson had gone and recorded it for them. Hayes stands tall, straightening her uniform blazer and taking a deep breath before starting on her way first to her mother's office. The door is closed so she knocks lightly. There's no answer. The teenager sighs and pushes the door open slowly, glancing around the spacious room and realizing that her mother wasn't there. Of course. Her lips turn down into a grimace as she pulls the door back closed, this time setting off for her father. 

His door is open, but he's on the phone, which Hayes finds both relieving and annoying. _What kind of President just leaves his door open while he's talking on the phone?_ The servicemen standing on either side of the door just nod to her and give her a brief 'ma'am' before stepping aside to let her through. The President's eyes raise as his daughter, tall and slim and dorky looking, steps in front of his desk. She can almost swear she sees him roll his eyes. Her hands rest atop the desk, tapping while she waits for him to end the call. When he does, she doesn't wait for him to speak first. “Do you know where mom is? I had –– I have something important to tell you.” Her breath catches in her throat. _Maybe it would be different this time_ , she thinks. _You say that every time_ , she thinks next. Hayes shakes her head at her own thoughts. “She had some sort of public appearance today.” This time Hayes is the one to roll her eyes. _You're the president and you don't even know what your wife is up to?_ She thinks it, but doesn't say it out loud. “That's okay, I can just tell you.” He nods once, looking down at the papers on his desk a minute later. “Just make it quick, okay?” She feels her heart drop, but tries to ignore it. Just when she's about to speak, the excitement of her accomplishment washes over her again and she grins, “I just wanted to tell you that ––– that I won, daddy! I'm the Student Body President! I knew I'd win. Jackson even –– got my speech all on video, so that you and mom can watch it.” She's so caught up in her own excitement that she almost forgets he's not saying anything. When her eyes find his face, he's reading a document. “Did you hear me, dad?” He looks up, at least. “Yeah, Hayes I heard.” “Well, do you wanna see the video?” She persists, just about to step around to his chair when he shakes his head, shattering her. “That's –– great, darling, but I'm –– I don't have time for that sort of thing right now, I have to read these documents and make an important call. Maybe later, yeah? Proud of you though.” He tells her, but there's no truth in his eyes or in the way he speaks. Not even in the hand that he uses to pat her on the back one quick time. She nods, “Okay.” the word is all she can manage, anything else will make her voice crack. She stands there for another beat before she's turning and walking towards the door, tears pooling in her eyes and falling down her cheeks. She doesn't say anything to anyone, not that they ask. She just runs straight for her bedroom and doesn't come out. Jackson brings dinner to her but she insists that she isn't hungry. Hours pass and she's still there, curled up on her side with tears on her pillow. That's the first night Hayes cries herself to sleep, but certainly not the last. No one mentions the video or the speech or the win to her anymore after that, so neither does she. 

––––

She's been waiting on this day for her whole life. Standing in front of the mirror, adjusting the cap on top of her perfectly curled hair, she couldn't help but smile. There had been so many times over the years where she thought she'd get crushed by the pressure. School, keeping up her grades, doing her best to have a life under the scrutiny of the press. Everyone who saw Hayes Morrison saw a princess, all she saw was a disaster underneath some nice clothes and makeup. There had been times when she'd all but given up. When all she wanted was for at least one of her parents to hug her and tell her that they were proud and that it would be okay. You can't always get what you want. It hadn't been easy, by any means. Jackson made it easier, though. He was the only rock she had in the middle of a wild ocean. Her brother was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. That's why her smile doesn't fade when he appears behind her, placing both of his big hands on her shoulders. “You did it, or –– you're about to. If you don't come on, though, we'll be late and that's –– not something that we need to do.” She laughed, leaning into the hug and kiss on the cheek that he offers. “I'm all ready, I just. . . have one more thing I need to check on.” She smiled, pulling herself away from him and heading towards the door. “You don't have to wait, go on to the car and make sure everyone else is ready.” Her stomach dropped. It wouldn't surprise her in the least if neither of her parents were even in the house right now, let alone ready to pile into a car and be en route to her high school graduation in ten minutes. Still, there's something in her chest that still wants to believe they might. Something that is still afire with hope, even if the fire is dim. 

Hayes stops in front of her father's door, offering a small smile to the men outside of it like she usually does. Though she hasn't seen them in a while, not having made visits to her father's office a habit over the last few years. “Dad,” she calls, stepping into the room. The cap and gown she wears feels like a trophy, one last thing to make him look at her and be proud. She already knows what she'll get, yet she still tries. “Aren't you ready? We're about to leave.” The hope still hammers in her chest because he's standing in front of his mirror, pinning the small American Flag pendant to his lapel. He adjusts his coat one more time. Hayes almost smiles, this is it he's really coming, she thinks. Her hands clasp together in front of her, thumbs running nervously over one another. “Actually, I have a meeting to go to, Hayes.” He speaks flatly, turning to face her. All she feels is like lying on the ground under a ton of bricks. Her eyebrows furrow, she hopes her lip won't start trembling. Her hands part, coming to her sides and balling into fists. “But daddy, it's –– this is my high school graduation.” “Yeah, Hayes, and I'm the President of the United States. You know I'm proud of you but this is just ––– this is what has to be done, it's more important right now.” He holds his hands out before letting them fall to his sides and be shoved into his pockets. Hayes feels her nails digging into her palms and it's all that keeps the tears out of her eyes. “When am I going to be important, daddy? When am I going to come first?” She doesn't want to say the words, but they come. She doesn't want to feel tears burning in her eyes, but she does. “You know what, I don't –– even care. It's fine, I knew this would happen anyway. Thank you, thanks a lot.” She says dryly, feeling like there's a knife sticking in her chest. The girl storms out of the office, hastily moving down the hallway before being met by the small woman they'd hired to escort her in and out of her own home. “Are you okay, Hayes?” She asks, Hayes looks down at her and remembers her name was Meredith, she nods. “Fine, I just –– 'm ready to get this over with, I guess.” She sighs as they step outside towards the car, Hayes can see Jackson helping their mother into the car by her hand. Hayes rolls her eyes again, maybe if you didn't wear those shoes you could do it on your own, she thinks. Her lips purse, hey at least she's going, you have to give her that, her mind tells her. “No, I don't owe her anything.” She mumbles to herself. Meredith gives her a strange glance and Hayes waves her off. 

The car ride is painfully quiet but Hayes is met with more noise than she was fond of when they stepped into the auditorium. She'd gone to a private school but there were just as many spoiled brats filling the room now as there would be if she'd gone to a public school. Sometimes she still felt an ache deep in her chest to have had a normal childhood. Hayes sits with the rest of her class and each time a name is called she glances up to where her mother and brother are seated. They're both there, waiting. Jackson looks ecstatic and their mother just looks like she's ready to leave. Finally, when it's finally her turn, she rises. She's never felt as powerful as she does right in this moment. All she can hear are the claps and the clicking of her heels and the pounding of her heart. When her hand closes around the diploma, her eyes search for her family and when they land she feels like she's going to be sick. There's Jackson, on his feet, clapping as hard as he can for his baby sister. That's all there is. The two seats beside him? Empty. Hayes' chest feels the same way. When the ceremony is over, she's standing still in a moving crowd when she sees him coming towards her. Jackson pulls her in to maybe the biggest hug he's ever given her. “I'm so proud of you, Hayes. You did it, you made it, baby.” He's so happy but she just feels like she's going to die, “Where's mom?” she mumbles against his arm. The look on his face when he retracts says it all. “Phone call, said –– said she couldn't miss it. I'm so sorry. .” She just nods, giving him an extremely sad attempt at a smile. “Not really surprised. Are you?” She chuckles, but nothing is funny. His arm wraps around her waist and he holds onto the flowers they'd bought for her while they walk away. “Thank you, Jack.” She mutters, sometime during their walk. “For what?” He wonders. “Being here. Always being here.” She looks straight ahead because it's easier that way, if he can't see how glassy her eyes are. Still, he leans over and kisses her head, “Always, Hayes.”  
and she believes him, but he's the only one she believes. That night, when the house is quiet and she's all alone in her room she lays down. Her gaze falls on the small box and the card on her nightstand. A gift from her mother. The card reads, _'I hope you can forgive me for having to leave, just know that I'm proud of you. love, mom.'_ It isn't even in her handwriting. _I don't want a stupid bracelet and a lame apology card, all I wanted was you._ Her eyes squeeze shut like she's in pain, but she doesn't cry that night. Not even when she's all alone. Something in her breaks, though. Shuts off and stops moving. She can feel it, like someone poured molten copper down her throat and now it's just ––– hardening everything in it's path. She's choking on it, feeling it crushing her lungs and her chest. She still doesn't cry, but she wishes she could. She could hear her father and mother's voices ringing in her ears, “you know that I'm proud of you.” No words had ever felt more like a shallow grave, no words had ever been so meaningless. There was no more fire, there wasn't even a spark. There was _nothing_ . 


End file.
